Whoah its been months

It is almost the end of the year and my last post was beginning of the year. I hate to say that in between the last post and this one was sort of me in a nutshell that I could not say but was totally part of my history now. One of my friends posted a quotation which almost everybody knows, "The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift that's why we call it present", and that is where my anxiety begins. I wanted my past to be my present but at the same time I am also grateful with my present. Confusing? yes! I do not really think about much of the future except for bill deadlines or if finally I will get that coveted vacation, but no matter how much i look at it is very blurry.

I wanted to thrive, make a difference, be who I was again but I don't know what is holding me back. I wanted to go to somewhere else that I do not know where.